Aside from having sons, no daughters, I also have brothers, no sisters. But I have certainly found many soul sisters and daughters via unexpected encounters.

I am a Pisces born in the year of the Rabbit. After I turned 40, someone read in my star chart and palm that I had psychic abilities(I never felt I had any though) and could speak to the dead--- yikes. I certainly don’t want to speak to dead people!

I am a second generation Filipino-American. Until I was 36, I had lived thirds of my life in the U.S., then the Philippines, and then the U.S. again. In the last quarter of my wished-for, centenarian/lucid existence I hope to be a balikbayan.

I went to school in California until I was 11. Then for Grade 6, up until I was 17, I went to St. Scholastica's Academy.

It was the Benedictine school in Bacolod City where I gained, along with dear friends in heidi-like uniforms, great insight to being a Filipina, a young woman, and also some leads to my identity (thank you, Sr. Ildephonsa, philosophy teacher Chuck Medel, fiery Cora Gonzaga, and other good teachers).............

I spent a quasi-wasted(depending on how you look at it) 2 years at Ateneo Loyola Heights putzing around in BS Mngmt Engineering. I felt like throwing up during Calculus and so it's not surprising that I did a complete turnaround from left-brain to right brain when I changed courses and then graduated in 1986 from UP Diliman with a Visual Communication Degree in Fine Arts.

I like to believe that university life in Manila gave me a broader perspective on life and my “aktibista” outlook. The Philippines has given me favorite foods, love for indigenous music and dance, and best of all an affectionate extended family and lifelong friends.

My mother is a retired nurse, and my father was a Filipino soldier in the U.S. army who fought and was killed in Vietnam.

our dad You know that movie by Mel Gibson called "We Were Young and Soldiers Once"? Well, that was about a batallion of soldiers who almost got totally massacred. What the movie doesn't go on to finish depicting is that their sister batallion went in after them---they got massacred. My father was in that sister batallion. He never came back from Vietnam. My mother flew to the Philippines to bury him in his motherland. our dad's name on the Vietnam Memorial Wall in Washington, D.C. I and my brother Bud remember our father mostly by pictures, stories my mom tells, and scents.. My youngest brother never met my father because my mother was pregnant with him when my father left and died.

I have two brothers, Mike and Buddy. Despite, or maybe because of the my father's legacy they both decided to join the U.S. army.

My sweet brother Bud is no longer in the armed forces and he is in California in an architectural firm. He's married to a beloved perky, frisky young woman named Analyn.

My soulful brother Mike married an artistic German woman named Angie and they have an adorable daughter named Josie(who I just know will be a celebrity soimeday). Mike is presently in Baghdad. He is torn between his poet's heart and his soldiers' calling to bring Freedom to all nations---I hear the conflict of his soul in his letters and I cry.

Crispino Ramos and Family. Simplicio Ramos, my Lolo , is the smallest boy seated. Click to enlarge image. I come from large, close-knit Filipino families both from the Ramos Clan in Bacolod City, and the Paredes Clan in the Visayas and Luzon. In the picture below, that's me enjoying lechon na manok with my Lolo and Lola in Bacolod over 20 years ago.

I am at present isolated in my home in the bundoks of the Connecticut countryside with my husband, sons and my mother. Halloween in the U.S. is always a good reason to goof off with my kids Click here for more fun pictures.

Photos by Vic Groyon. 1977

I love dancing. Turn on the music and I feel the beating in my bones. Its in my blood from both sides of the family. And, I have heard that my father and his sisters can really wow the crowds with the Tango. My mom told me that my father used to say that he would teach me how to dance ballroom and take me out to be his partner. I never learned the Tango because my father died in action when I was 2.

goofing off with Skyler

Regarding soul searching --- I embarked on an effort of awakening from fear in 1997. This involved the deepening spiritual practice and much, much exploration in books, dream-awareness and journalling. I know that these new practices opened many new doors to new consciousness and revealed in me a hidden desire to be service in this lifetime by being creative both on the Internet and off it in order to increase awareness and awaken others(especially Filipinos) to their own inner potentials.

I believe in the concepts of global consciousness and global brain having been inspired and motivated by the works of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Peter Russell, Lawrence Hagerty. I am also into reading metaphysical works by modern day teachers such as Carolyn Myss (Anatomy of Energy), Gary Zukav (Seat of the Soul), Marianne Williamson (A Woman’s Worth), Sark (Succulent Wild Woman), Angeles Arrien (The Four-Fold Way:Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary), Jamie Sames’ (Dancing the Dream), Don Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements), and many other readings based in old thought, theology and philosophy (gnosticism, early christianity, masonry, kabbalism, buddhism, etc.). Obviously, I love reading. I am a great fan of amazon.com. If you have tons of idle time and love books too, you can snoop and view my reviews and recommendations at amazon.com under the user name of Ilawin.

more goofing off with Skyler

And yes, I love music, all kinds. My previous favorites are Jazz, Classical, and (uhuh), dance and Disco. These days I seem to enjoy world music, particularly progressive Filipino indigenous-style musicians, American Native, Sanskrit love songs, indigenous synthesized sounds, and ancient sacred music by artists such as Grace Nono, Rasa, Deep Forest, Lisa Gerrard, Dead Can Dance, and Pilgrimage.

The Internet is my connection to the world and the global community.

As a kid I dreamt of growing up to be a nurse-teacher-nun. Today, I’m none of those in profession, but I still hope for the triple-vocation in spirit within my wacko life of kids, feminism, wifedom, creativity, reiki healing, dream-sharing, ramblings of heart-sight, wisdom gatherings, filipino-ness… in a weird, compassionate, artsy-fartsy sorta way.

I have come to the point in my life when I now view all aspects of my life, my works on the web, my motherhood, my wifehood, my daughterhood and sisterhood, as opportunities to serve; and my relationships with all people as opportunities to learn. And, boy, do I need to learn!

I remember playtime in fragrant places... ...Monterey Bay had breezes sweet from the sea and profuse clusters of tiny flowers. ...Negros Island open air was mouth-watering from the corn- syrup aromas of the sugar mills. At Lola's daku-balay(big house), there were afternoon wafts of warmed banana leaves and suman from the dirty-kitchen.